This year, I have been tried in so many ways. Broken to the core. Dragged under mud. Made to feel like nothing. Today, streams of happiness flow down my face.
I faced many trials. These trials consumed me from the inside because I did not have anyone to conversate.
Was faced with many terrifying circumstances beyond my control.
I lost so many things; possessions,
Sobbing had become routine. It’s the only way I found my rest at night while i choked on many unspoken thoughts.
My entire self
I felt hopeless. Happiness was far from being in sight.
But one thing for sure was I kept my faith. I never once doubted him.
Prayer saw me through many trials and tribulations.
I have so much to be thankful for.
Parents, a shelter
Tears roll down my eyes because I’ve been blessed 20 times over and beyond what I asked for.
I am a living testimony of many blessings i can not begin to list. He raised me from the bottom of the pity to the highest of levels.
I call unto his name daily, “Yahweh”.
Who am I?
I am the daughter of the most high. Guided by the numerous biblical verses. He whose name is unchanging.
Molded from the earth, an undeniably beautiful young lady. Carved in his image.
I possess a mystic skin. Glowing effortlessly as I bask under the sun.
Making a bold statement with my plump lips. Stained with a carmine lipstick
Short kinky hair.
Too proud to let a flat iron cease its beauty.
With the gravity defying curls,
Flawlessly streaming from the roots of my sculp.
And dark piercing honey eyes. Alluring in their own way.
depicting my strength and weakness.
Exuding joy, peace, kindness.
I am LOVE
Forgiveness is strength.
of the darkest days.
It starts starts with
Leading to a face off with your inner demons.
amend the war torn
The art of forgiveness
is hard to
It ends with the
toleration of laying down
what weighs you down.
Of late, I have been crying a lot
Despair cripples me.
I could have sworn i was happy a fortnight ago
I crave my lovers caressing touch, soft, sweet and refreshing kisses
His gentle, soothing voice.
But, why do I weep day and night?
I can only blame myself
For marrying he, who only saw my wealth
And stole my innocent youth. Oh, my sweet youth!
Why let that drown my beloved soul?
I have more to live for than lament an arrogant mans ways
now i’m gone, may you tangle to my ghosts tones.
Motionless. Underground I slumber.
I, Hera, was seeing this guy (Sam) at some point in time. But soon after getting together he changed. He was never around. Never wanted to spend time with me but would be out with his friends popping bottles. And whenever he would come around he would always be tired and literally paid me any attention.
For the sake of our relationship I let him be for a while till I decided to go through his phones. Keep in mind that at this point I had tried to talk to him but every time I raised an issue he dismissed me or it would turn into a rant session. After multiple times of trying to figure out the problem, I went through his phone.
As suspected he was entertaining other girls. When you’re 28 years old and see your friends getting married every other weekend, you too want to marry. I really loved him so I decided to turn a blind eye. Time after time the messages kept getting worse with time.
He had now started telling them the sweet words he once told me. Referring to them as “my woman and wifey” and professing his unconditional “love”. Sweet messages were exchanged between them. He had even started calling them at late hours between 12am to 6am because at that time I would be asleep. He even had the audacity to go out at 4:50am to talk to a woman once, right in my face. He was now asking for their “pictures”. But of course which he deleted from his gallery. He now started inviting girls to the house and would lie to them that I wouldn’t be around. To the extent that he would go out on secret dates with them and would come back reeking of cheap nauseating cologne. Even his lies looked as pathetic as him. Weak.
I confronted him and always he said I had a big problem. That was his defense even after reciting his deceitful messages word for word. He called me young, irritating and disrespectful. He belittled me in every attempt I took to reconcile with him.
I was physically and mentally exhausted. We are bound to get tired of situations that don’t serve purpose in our lives. I missed the happy person I once was before he came into my life and twisted my world. Little by little I began rebuilding myself.
He underestimated my strength to live on my own because I worshipped nothing but him for the last 2 years. Underestimated my strength to be a fruitful woman. Underestimated my abilities and worse off my womanhood.
One day he came back and beat me like he was playing a set of drums. Memories of that encounter are marked on my body and soul. I remembered us exchanging words, next thing i knew he was tightly squeezing my hand, his fingernails penetrating my soft skin. Dragging me to the bedroom and forcing me to pack. My smart mouth was adding up to the fire. A hard cold blow of hard rough skin kissed my right cheek. Falling in a bundle of confusion. He broke off our relationship and left. I was shook. The next day with my aching body I had decided to move out.
I prayed day and night. I am no saint but the good Lord will punish him for the pain he caused me. For the nights I cried myself to bed, the cheating and the pain he inflicted on me. I wish upon him nothing but hell for the rest of his life.
He sold me the story of us getting married thinking it is what every girl was fond of hearing. Little did he know that I wanted someone with vision and someone who could support my art skills and be there for me. Even despite having a vision which I fully supported, he treated me like trash. Abused me with words. Every time I recall that relationship, tears roll down my cheeks.
He came from a broken family with divorced parents. Hence, adapted his father’s ways. All in all, I really loved him. He played himself for forsaking what we could have had or even become. Because now he is dead to me. Lonely and lost is a soul from a broken home. He was caught up in the anger he had towards his parents he lost all respect for women. He blamed his mother for cheating and breaking up a happy home. For that reason, he wouldn’t let me get through to him. He was afraid to show his vulnerable soul. He simply didn’t want to be rescued.
He was just a self absorbed broken and miserable inhumane, human that didn’t know how to treat a woman right. He could barely afford to love.
Moral of the story is even if someone mistreats you continue being good because one day your goodness will be rewarded. I slowly detached myself from a situationship that would have sent me 7 feet under.